Vol 54 Issue 33

Vol 54 Issue 33

Area Man Would Have Done Things Differently If He Were Killer In Movie

Area Man Would Have Done Things Differently If He Were Killer In Movie

19.8.2019

Area Man Would Have Done Things Differently If He Were Killer In Movie

LOWER MERION, PA—Calling the murderous character’s methods and practices into question, movie viewer Richard Anthony said Tuesday that, were he in fact the killer portrayed in the home invasion film You’re Next, he would have conducted himself in a distinctly different fashion. “This makes absolutely zero sense—why didn’t he just murder the majority of them when they were trapped in the kitchen? If that were me, I could’ve gotten the job done with a gas leak and some matches right then and there,” said Anthony, 33, insisting that a much more straightforward approach would have allowed him to strangle the rest of the victims at his leisure. “Plus, I wouldn’t have wasted all that time tying up that family once they were already unconscious—but if that’s the route you’re taking, at least knot the ropes with a constricting clove hitch. It just really took me out of the story.” At press time, Anthony had published a painstakingly detailed blog post deriding the film’s implausibility and providing more practical alternatives for each character fatality.

, he would have conducted himself in a distinctly different fashion. “This makes absolutely zero sense—why didn’t he just murder the majority of them when they were trapped in the kitchen? If that were me, I could’ve gotten the job done with a gas leak and some matches right then and there,” said Anthony, 33, insisting that a much more straightforward approach would have allowed him to strangle the rest of the victims at his leisure. “Plus, I wouldn’t have wasted all that time tying up that family once they were already unconscious—but if that’s the route you’re taking, at least knot the ropes with a constricting clove hitch. It just really took me out of the story.” At press time, Anthony had published a painstakingly detailed blog post deriding the film’s implausibility and providing more practical alternatives for each character fatality.

Read more: The Onion

This is me. Same! Same bro SAAAAAAME Hit me hard “60% of murders go unsolved!” ~FBI As you can clearly see, the TV shows in which the bad guy gets caught, are so unrealistic! 🤪 our kind of guy Spot the difference Now I worry what he might do to Local Woman for not bringing popcorn! Is that man oj Simpson? do it you wont

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