All Of Man’s Time-Wasting Websites Exhausted Before Lunch

📆 5/24/2019 11:34 AM
📰 TheOnion

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ST. CLOUD, MN—Saying that he was now “paying the price” for his failure to properly pace himself, Talos Analytics junior marketing associate Cameron Gaither, 28, admitted to reporters Wednesday that he had completely exhausted all of his usual time-wasting websites well before lunchtime. “Christ, I’ve already checked all of today’s Gawker posts and everything new on Boing Boing and it’s not even noon yet,” said Gaither, noting that he had additionally “plowed through” the latest updates on Fail Blog, Texts From Last Night, and Bleacher Report, where he typically fritters away his time throughout the course of a full workday. “Man, I’m really running out of ideas here. I’ve even taken another pass at the XKCD archives and burned through just about every subreddit I can think of. What the hell am I supposed to do for the next six hours?” Gaither confirmed that his current dilemma was the worst he’d faced since last week when he got roped into attending a morning sales meeting and consequently had to spend the rest of the day fervently catching up on all of the online time-squandering he’d missed.

Write Comment

You gots to pace yourself. You wouldn’t want to have to do any real work would you?

faultyfaucet

Not possible!

Fake news!

Love to see the onion recognise reddit god bless

So sad can we get -69 likes

That can happen?

Man, just get more Facebook and Instagram friends! 🤷🏼‍♀️

True time waster knows to build his own websites to waste time on filling with content to later marvel at own creation and feel proud of intelligently spending time.

I can relate ...

WeekendTwitr This is a super super real problem for me. Not satire at all.

Man is always a step ahead.

Before 9:30am

Same

Then just do a second run through! That’s what I do! Now stop complaining and get back to time wasting!

Wow, no need to get personal.

Wayyyy before lunch...

Oof

In tv they call this breaking the 4th wall.

which gives me the afternoon to work on my blog

🏡 💥 (home) (where this hits) |———| close

I can relate to Man heavily.

JokerXgg

That's why I'm on Twitter right now.

Even the NSFW ones? Oh wait. They come under productive websites I guess.

The struggle is real

Well you just stripped me bare and laid me out for all to see right there 😳

A pain I know all too well.

My high school experience in a nutshell

It's me. I'm Man.

I feel personally attacked

Real feel, been there.

big mood

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