After 7 1/2 Months Sober, I Relapsed During Quarantine. Here's What Happened.

Guest Writer"I relapsed in quarantine because I was afraid of what was going to happen to me, the people I love, and the rest of the world in the wake of an international pandemic," the author writes.Relapsing was shameful ― but I felt I had an excuse. I had memorized all of the trivia cards in my deck and had done all of the puzzles at my house. Drinking gave me a sense of relief that no game of Cards Against Humanity or episode of “Tiger King” could provide.

I was unreliable and started canceling or showing up late to events. I would rather spend time alone, surfing the internet and drinking by myself. My friends started to give up on me. Before quarantine, I felt I had finally become grounded in my sobriety. I had just reestablished trust with family and friends. I made amends with several friends who had seen me at my worst. I could finally see myself staying sober and being happy that way.It was 10 days into quarantine when I ordered a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and drank the whole thing.

Despite her advice, I kept drinking. A few days a week, I would order craft beers from exotic locations to make it seem as if I cared about the taste. In reality, I was using the alcohol to distract myself — from the fear that loved ones would die; from the fear that I would lose my job and might not be able to get another one; from the fear that hospitals were going to run out of their limited supplies.

I relapsed in quarantine because I was afraid of what was going to happen to me, the people I love, and the rest of the world in the wake of an international pandemic. The world feels like a scarier place than it used to be. It felt like alcohol was helping me cope with my fear, but actually, it was making everything worse.

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