Hot (and safe) virtual sex really is possible.
Hot (and safe) virtual sex really is possible.
even in the heat of the moment with someone new, it’s important to set some boundaries before having virtual sex.Franks notes that you should never feel pressured or reluctant before having virtual sex, and saying yes to any kind of sexual activity at one point doesn’t mean you or your partner is required to follow through if someone changes their mind. “If someone is pressuring you to send more than you’re comfortable with, they don’t deserve your nudes,” Katelyn Bowden, founder and CEO of
, an organization that helps victims of revenge porn, tells SELF.3. Use the most trustworthy digital platforms possible.This is one of the most important virtual sex tips to follow. It’s nearly impossible for the average person to tell when a third party is intercepting or eavesdropping on their digital activity. Hackers could leak your sensitive photos, videos, and texts or watch what’s happening on your webcam. Even someone you consent to have virtual sex with could violate your trust by showing what you share with them to others. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have virtual sex if you feel comfortable with it, but it’s a good idea to take some steps to protect your digital privacy.
First, even though there is no perfect way to ensure your data will be secure, do your best to find a trustworthy platform. Franks notes that you should research platforms and apps before you try them, searching for options that have“end-to-end” or “person-to-person” encryption
, which essentially means anyone intercepting the message won’t be able to see it. “Encrypted apps like Signal are best to use for this kind of encounter,” Bowden explains. Many other kinds of popular digital platforms have various potential issues when it comes to maintaining privacy for virtual sex. For instance, “
that are troubling,” Bowden says. Facebook messenger allows you to delete your messages so that both youandonly for 10 minutes after you’ve sent the message. People can also find ways to take screenshots on Snapchat without the user knowing, Bowden adds.
With all of this in mind, texting is often a better option than online tools like Facebook messenger, Snapchat, and Zoom—as long as you disable features that automatically store all of your texts to the Cloud or anywhere else that could be prone to hacking. Also, make sure you use a strong password and two-factor authentication for any apps to help prevent other people from accessing your sexual photos and videos.
AdvertisementEven then, it’s still possible for hackers to access your content via malware disguised as online links and email attachments, so make sure tobrush up on tips for avoiding that. Other simple safeguarding steps like changing the default usernames and passwords on your router and using the most recent and updated versions of apps, browsers, operating systems, and other software can make a difference.
Finally, if you’re not totally sure you can trust the person you’re sharing content with but still want to do it, Bowden notes that you can watermark intimate images with the name of the recipient. “It holds the recipient responsible for the privacy and safety of the image,” she says.
4. Art direct your experience.A $15 desk lamp pointed from behind the camera often acts as my spotlight. I also stack my computer on an old hamper to achieve the views I want for a video. Use props and makeshift scaffolding at your discretion to play with angles and scenes that make you feel proud, sexy, and powerful—or stick with simpler framing to create a more natural interaction. Wear what makes you feel confident, whether it’s a baggy tee, lingerie, or nothing at all. Personally, clothes don’t really affect my perception of myself. Instead, I feel good when I lock eyes with the camera, bite my lip, and get flirty. Trying different positions on camera introduced me to new sides of myself, and now I feel more confident in person too. You and your partner can even swap control over how the other displays themselves as long as everyone
consents.From a safety perspective, make sure there’s nothing in the background that could give away your location, like a street sign you can see through a window. Even if you totally trust the person you’re sending this content to, knowing your photos or videos don’t include hints about where you are can give you some peace of mind if someone did manage to hack your content. One easy way to do this is to opt for lighting that showcases what you want to focus on and let the rest fade into darkness.
5. Start slowly, and check in with each other frequently.It’s okay if you don’t want to bare it all or try somethingkinkyon camera. Remember to continue talking about your needs as a couple (or group), note how your interests shift, and adapt accordingly. Over time, you might want to dive in deeper or need to take a break from these kinds of interactions. Comfort levels change, and that’s perfectly fine.
6. Use your words.what you miss or craveand what you hope you’ll do together when you’re able to see each other in person. Are you missing their scent? The look on their face during an orgasm? The warmth of their touch or kisses? Using your own authentic voice to describe your desires will feel more familiar and natural than trying too hard to come up with sexy language that just isn’t yours.
7. Play with toys.Vibrators Read more: SELF »
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