Former Bachelor contestant/tear fountain Ashley Iaconetti usually recaps all things Bachelor for Cosmopolitan, but she literally just got married, so I (a regular Cosmo staffer) am going to cover for her this week.
This post contains spoilers for last night’s episode of Bachelor in Paradise.
Uh...can someone please explain how this is only the second week of Bachelor in Paradise, and everyone is already knee-deep in feelings? Cam is really out here acting like he’s been dating Caelynn for years (after having one “really good” conversation), and it’s only been a few days. I guess it really is true that time does its own thing in Paradise, because there are already more love triangles than I can count. This is already a mess.
Last week, Blake was definitely perceived as the biggest player in Paradise, but now...it seems like the cast is unofficially giving that title to Hannah. As if choosing between Blake and Dylan weren’t tricky enough, Jordan Kimball shows up and almost immediately asks her on a date. She initially says yes (which crushes Dylan’s little bb heart), but then changes her mind and shuts Jordan down, explaining that she can’t “date three people at once.” Atta girl.
Dylan’s obviously really into Hannah and having a super hard time watching her with Blake. (To be fair, homegirl’s not exactly making it easy for Dylan. The poor guy had to watch her straight-up make out with Blake from, like, yards away.) But he’s actually just handling the situation with a level head so he doesn’t mess up his chances with her. When Jordan first asked Hannah out, Dylan was really understanding and said, “Why would you not ask Hannah out?” But as she continues to entertain the thought of dating Blake, he kind of starts to crack because he just can’t figure out what she sees in him.
Eventually, Dylan decides to face the issue head-on and asks to steal Hannah for a sec while she’s hanging out with Blake. He says, “My whole mind says I just want to focus on Hannah.” Blake is basically like, “yo, same,” and Dylan calls him out on his bullshit, reminding him that his actions have totally shown otherwise, because he’s been fooling around with tons of other women in the Bachelor franchise.
Dylan begins to wonder if there is history between Hannah and Blake, and in the second episode of the week, he finally presses her for more information. When she admits that she kissed Blake before the show when he visited her in Birmingham, Dylan says that it’s hard to hear that he didn’t really have a chance with her in the first place. Poor guy. I literally cannot wait to see who she decides to give a rose to...and it sounds like the rest of the cast can’t wait either. They’re starting to notice what she’s up to, and it seems like everyone in Paradise is whispering about Hannah.
During the second night, Dean and his mustache show up. He tells Chris Harrison that he’s currently living out of a van and not working. Actually, he tells just about everyone this, and it seems to actually be working for him? He asks Caelynn on a date (while she’s literally in the middle of crying about the fact that Kristina won’t stop gossiping about her), and the former pageant queen wipes the tears away and goes to eat shrimp scampi with him. So romantic!
Honestly, these two seem to have a lot of chemistry, even though Caelynn is pretty wary of Dean. She explains that she’s guarding herself because of his reputation, and when she asks about his intentions, Dean says, “Honestly, what are my intentions?” It feels like these two are actually approaching their connection at a realistic pace. I probably shouldn’t even put that thought into the universe, because on Bachelor in Paradise, everyone’s just a moment away from pulling a Cam and wandering the beach alone, crying about the fact that they’ll never get married.
Demi starts to tell more people about the girl she’s been dating back home, because her connection with Derek is just continuing to grow. She says, “I’m having so much fun with Derek, and I do like him. I’m enjoying pursuing him, but I’ve been seeing someone before this, and I’m still thinking about her.”
Understandably, Demi is very nervous about opening up to Derek about her sexuality. After a quick chat with Tayshia, she gains some courage and pulls Derek aside to let him know what’s up. TBH, Derek had the best reaction imaginable. Yeah, he’s concerned about the fact that Demi’s really into two people at the same time but is comforted to hear that he and Demi’s mystery girl seem to be so different. He tells Demi that he’s totally fine with taking things slow. Personally, I was so thrilled to watch this situation play out so well. It’s really great to see that Derek’s concerns are not with Demi’s sexuality (because nobody has the right to criticize her on that). He is really just into her and hopes that things will work out well between them.
Christian, who was on Becca Kufrin’s season of The Bachelorette for, like, five minutes, shows up and whisks Nicole away on a date. She’s crazy attracted to the fact that the guy turns everything into a sexual innuendo and also seems to enjoy feeling like a “hot commodity.” Nicole’s been happily accepting all the dates that she gets asked on, but at the moment, it seems like she’s the most interested in Clay and Christian...who could not be more different from one another if they tried. (By that, I mean that Clay seems really calm and laid-back...and Christian does the most all the time.)
After their date, Christian gets chocolate-covered strawberries and a piñata for Nicole. Clay tries to interrupt, but Christian stands his ground because he doesn’t want to put Nicole in an awkward situation. He walks away, but Jordan decides to “fix” the situation by ripping the piñata down. (I really have no idea what this would fix, but A for effort, Jord.) This results in a physical fight breaking out, which of course becomes the cliffhanger we’ll have to wait until next week to watch the rest of.
Oh, one last thing: John Paul Jones is really into Tayshia. He says that she makes him feel like a “young Romeo” and recites Shakespeare to her. He gets a lil nervous and messes up, BUT they end up smooching. Tayshia even thinks he looks like Heath Ledger. At least there’s one guy just minding his business and staying out of love triangles.
