7 Times We Mistook Some Random Long-Haired Guy In The Sky For Jesus

“Our Lord! Our Savior!” we called, rushing from the garage and dropping to our knees in supplication, only to be humiliated when it turned out we were accidentally worshipping our neighbor’s son, Bradley, who has long hair now from college.Could it really be Him? Alas, it was only a random bearded man hovering 30 feet off the ground.

Look, we know what you’re thinking: How the hell did we ever get fooled by this guy? His long hair isn’t even straight like Christ’s—it’s curly! All we can say in our defense in that the sun behind him was so bright, and that our desire for the Lord to return is so strong.This asshole actually started swearing at us when we opened our windows to praise Him and welcome Him back to the earthly realm.

That happened to me twice last week. I'm not going to be so gullible next time

🤣

Baja Bless 🙏

Anyone remember when The Onion was funny⁉️

Be careful with that nail gun, Jesús.

true

Totally ripped off from the plot of the movie 'The Invention of Lying'

Damn those brownies I just ate hit too hard, good thing its the Door Dash delivery with my order from the grocery store and not our Lord and Savior come for us, because I would be in for some hot shit if it were.

Jesus only brings loaves and fishes. Be glad it was the pizza guy.

Hi. video 18+ beautiful 💙💙subscribe💙💙

Bummer.

Goddamned jetpack Jared Leto

11th commandment: Thou shalt not forget the ranch dressing for the pizza 🍕

In fairness, this isn’t the first time the pizza guy has been mistaken for Jesus.

The lord is come

Number 5 will shock you

I remember when he was spotted preforming miracle over the sky’s of Las Vegas. Praise be to Our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Cage.

This has happened to me before but it's not my fault when I start hovering in the air, it's fun!

Fucking Richard Branson....

Number 5 will enlighten you.

They’re all white dudes.

MoistCr1TiKaL where

i used to be but i quit.

CorneliaGeppert

Looks more like HRT

Looks like a woman with facial hair.

⛏️

Poor Derek.

So coming back to the drugs, I could use advice on which is best?

Today's Onion sponsored by QAnon

That's Kyle. He flunked his Senior year in High School.

Only white people mistake white guys for Jesus.

Why are there so many guys with long hair just hovering in the sky

⬆️a joke⬆️

When? i never mistook anyone as Jesus; what is this onion upto always?: Misleading minds huh?!

MoistCr1TiKaL

is this kevin parker

I know the 60s are around here somewhere...

awe hes so not handsome

And they all looked the same

I thought that was me for a second

Looks like Jesus to me. Was Jesus ever on The Simpsons?

AdamCrigler

I did this once when I was tripping on a pot cookie, Thanks for talking me down from tgat not jesus.

Jesus would look like any rando long-haired guy if not for his father.

I bet one of those guys you thought was Jesus was MoistCr1TiKaL

Huh

SylverOwO It happens

Jesus was hardly a Redneck

damn

Buff Jesús is real I saw impoverished Jesus in Tunisia once. I wonder if they both know Mexican Jesus on a piece of toast.

MoistCr1TiKaL looks a bit different

Dude... only Jesus that matters

yup...thats why I don't float around anymore...

I only pray to Korean Jesus.

Get high then play Grand Funk at 78 speed. Youll see God.

Stop posting real news, onion

Leave me alone.

If he's delivering pizza, he's doing the Lord's work ;)

How did he get up there?

The real Jesus would get shot for being too close to a house under construction because he “looked suspicious”!

At least Pizza guy actually helps you and fucking exists¡¡ 😎🍕🍕

I mean, that actually is him.

Praise him

You give me free pizza, and I'll call you Jesus too.

What if his name is really Jesus?

Totally would nail him!

Jesus seems to really love rockin the toque

Or short hair with a beard.

This picture shows us another lord and savior, PIZZA GUY.

This is hairist

And he’s a so called Hero on the Frontlines

Hank

C'mon man stop teasing me.

The Lord returning on a white hoverboard.

Wow I’m back now I’m paying 20 babies $5000 for the first payment and $1000 for the weekly allowance through cash app only now Dm me on WhatsApp..+2349024615353 if you are real and legit sugar babies and need my help sugar sugarmomma student studentlife babies sugarmama s

Wow I’m back now I’m paying 20 babies $5000 for the first payment and $1000 for the weekly allowance through cash app only now Dm me on WhatsApp.+2349024615353 if you are real and legit sugar babies and need my help sugar sugarmomma student studentlife babies sugarmama

They will say, 'Where is the promise of his coming? For ever since the fathers fell asleep, all things are continuing as they were from the beginning of creation.' - 2 Peter 3:4

Maybe your looking in the wrong place.. Try looking within first...

The selfish, cold-hearted Zionists Armageddon fanatics wish this world to end, and manipulate/pay others to do the dirty work for them.

Hah! My ex would look like Jesus, if it weren’t for his sci-fi T shirts.

That’s not a defense.

If the True One shows, YOU had better very seriously make a run for it!

+1 time it was actually jesus

Ugh, The Onion is becoming too much like Buzzfeed now. I thought you were better than this! Where am I supposed to get my reliable news instead of Lists now

The next mistake will be on the ground.

God is Love

You never got his name but you must have his calling card

You just wait until he does come back , Mr. Onion.

That's just Kev from Tame Impala

I hate when that happens.

how was there a guy in the sky

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