, end-of-the-year evaluations, and commitments to healthy behavior. When most people think of New Year’s resolutions, they tend to just think of themselves and not their relationship. But I always love to encourage couples to use the beginning of the new year as an opportunity to change old relationship habits, commit to better behavior — and to improve their relationship.1. Spend at least 30 minutes talking every day — without distractions.
It should come as no surprise that the focused attention required by a face-to-face conversation nurtures the connection between two people. For his 2010 book, researcher and psychotherapist M. Gary Neuman interviewed hundreds of women and found that happy and faithful wives spend, on average, more than 30 minutes a day talking with their husbands. A decade later, that advice is even more important with Instagram and Slack in the palms of our hands, constantly demanding our attention.
Don’t assume that you know what your partner's triggers are. Sit down together and make a list for one another of the things that are guaranteed triggers in conversations together. This can help you both avoid emotional landmines and keep conflict calmer. It can also keep you less reactive when you are able to say, “I believe you are aware that is number five on my trigger list. Please don’t say that to me unless you are trying to trigger me.
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