Photo-Illustration: Vulture; Photos by Getty Images Jokes like grandpa tells or the ones from joke books you give your kid have no place onstage — at least anymore. A century ago, comics might’ve told “street jokes,” but slowly the practice grew hack. Eventually, as comedians grew increasingly observational, personal, and political, the idea of doing a stock one-liner became absurd. Comedians tell jokes, but they don’t tell jokes. Again, that is onstage. Offstage, it’s a different story.
“A couple is lying in bed. It’s the middle of the night and there’s a knock on the door at three in the morning, and the guy gets up out of bed and opens the door. He comes back to bed and his wife says, ‘Who is that?’ And he says, ‘Oh, some stranger who wanted a push. I told him I couldn’t help him.’ She says, ‘What if that was you? What if you needed a push in the middle of the night?’ He says, ‘You’re right. Fine.
“Two whales are sitting at the bar. One turns to the other and goes, ‘Aaaooooowhhhooo ooooooohhhoohh.’ And the other one goes, ‘Man, you are drunk.’” —Cecily Strong “What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? One’s a dollar 99, and the other one’s under a buck.” —Fortune Feimster“A little boy turned 16 years old, and he went to his dad, who was a minister, and said, ‘Dad, I turned 16 today. I’d like to use the family car.’ His dad said, ‘Son, I’d know you’d like to use the family car, but I think we have other priorities. Number one, you need to improve your grades.
“‘Doctor, doctor! I have five penises!’ ‘Well then how do your pants fit?’ ‘Like a glove.’” —Max Silvestri
Some good jokes in there. Others, not so much.
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