Colton Underwood is coming clean.
All six episodes of the Bachelor star's new docuseries Coming Out Colton come out on Netflix Friday, Dec. 3, and they will shed a whole new light on everything that has happened in the past few years, including his shocking breakup from Cassie Randolph.
Throughout the show, he receives guidance and support from Olympic skier Gus Kenworthy, who publicly came out in 2015, as well as other gay figures. Together, Colton, Gus and their friends explore what it means to be a member of the LGBTQ+ community, a group that the reality star was formerly afraid to identify with.
The series has received some flack, as some people believe Colton is trying to rehabilitate his image by showing the homophobia he witnessed in his youth. Nonetheless, Colton wants to explain himself.
As he recently told The New York Times, "Maybe at the end of these six episodes, people still don't understand. But at least I've tried to undo the wrongs."
To learn about Colton's coming out experience and if you want to hear his explanations for his actions, keep scrolling.
In a conversation with his childhood friend, Colton explains why he tried to hold onto his relationship with Cassie, saying, "I thought that I found someone who could change me."
For Colton, he felt like he was "becoming more of a straight man" while on The Bachelor, especially when he was with the Newport Beach native. And when their relationship didn't work out, he believed he had to come out to the rest of the world and experienced suicidal thoughts.
"After the breakup with Cassie, it was pretty rough. I hit rock bottom," he remembered. "I took a lot of Xanax, not thinking I was going to wake up the next morning. I did and it was really bad."
Colton anxiously speaks with his dad, Scott Underwood, about the breakup and restraining order, which Cassie requested in September 2020.
His dad didn't understand why the former reality star was so attached to Cassie. In response, Colton shares that Cassie's decision to take legal action made him realize he could no longer fake being straight.
"I knew something had to change," he explains. "I knew she was my last straight relationship and I didn't want to let that go because I didn't want to have to deal with this."
Cassie dropped the restraining order in November 2020 and Colton publicly apologized for his behavior, stating that he and his ex "were able to reach a private agreement to address any of Cassie's concerns."
To make Colton more comfortable with the gay community and his own identity, Gus and more friends throw him a coming out party in Nashville. Colton enjoys meeting new people but grows uncomfortable as men begin to hit on him.
When Gus asks him about his discomfort with sexuality, Colton explains that his religious background has made him believe that sex is a sin.
"I remember the first time I watched gay porn, I dropped to my knees and prayed immediately. I was like, 'Don't ever let me do that again,'" Colton remembers. "I feared that I was going to let God down."
He later talks to his friends from church, as well as a pastor, but he's disappointed when they all tell him homosexuality is a sin.
Colton decides he's ready to come out to the rest of the world but prepares himself for the inevitable backlash. His dad warns him that people are going to say he's coming out to save face after he stalked Cassie. Colton replies, "That's the furthest thing from the truth. If anything, the reason I'm coming out is because I'm ashamed and I'm sort of mortified of what got me to this position in the first place."
After speaking with Robin Roberts on Good Morning America, Colton receives support from Bachelor contestants, including Onyeka Ehie, who he meets in California.
During their discussion, he admits that he didn't give her a rose because he was "intimidated" by her forward nature, saying, "I was scared because if we ended up together, she would call me out on my s--t."
As for why he chose Cassie, Colton simply says, "I think I felt comfort and safety with women who are a little more reserved and unsure and shy."
He tells Onyeka that he was relieved The Bachelor ended the way it did because he didn't want to go into the Fantasy Suite. "I knew I was attracted to men but I felt like if I lose my virginity in the fantasy suite, is it going to please me enough to keep me wanting to be straight?" he recalls. "Crossing that line was such a big deal because it would force me one way or the other and I didn't know which way that was going to be."
All six episodes of Coming Out Colton premiere on Netflix, Friday, Dec. 3.