Kids don’t always use the dictionary-official words for things, but the terms they come up with are often even better than the real deal.
Lucky for us, the parents of Twitter share their children’s hilarious malapropisms and creative turns of phrase ― from “ukalady” to “toe salon.” We’ve rounded up 30 funny tweets about what kids call things. Enjoy!
my 4yo calls my small guitar a ukulady
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) October 17, 2021
Friend's 3 yr old: DO YOU THINK I'M A DOLLAR BILL?!
— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) September 21, 2021
Me:
Friend, *embarrassed*: He means "adorable"
My 4 year old loves baboons. He had a red baboon and a green baboon and enjoyed kicking them around the house. His green baboon popped and he cried so much I had to promise to get him a new baboon. One day someone will tell him to say “balloons” and not baboons but it won’t be me
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) August 12, 2021
The preschool just said my kid had to be potty-trained before school started. They did NOT say I had to get my toddler to stop calling the toilet seat the “butt hole.”
— The Dad (@thedad) September 8, 2021
My 5-year-old is learning about exercise & endurance, but he keeps saying insurance. Yesterday, he asked me if you need good insurance when you run. I told him at my age, you had better.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) August 28, 2021
6 asked what the biggest number was. I told her infinity.
— Ohio mom of two #BLM 🏳️🌈 (@OhioMomoftwo) October 4, 2021
4 now calls it "amphibian", and no one may correct him ever.
My 4yo calls the nail salon the Toe Salon, and anyway…that’s what it’s called now.
— Heather #BLM🏳️🌈 (@dishs_up) July 22, 2021
If my 4 y.o. Ever stops saying “cupcape” instead of “cupcake”, I’m burning the world to the ground.
— Tired Dad of 2 (@Tired_Dad_of_2) January 11, 2019
My kid just referred to Thursday as Little Friday and ummmmmmm I’m 100% ready to make that name change official.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 29, 2021
my 2 yo calls blueberries “booties”
— AriesDEMON🔥 (@justaflyjada) October 26, 2021
i love being a mom🤣🤣🤣🤣
Just when I thought my 4 year old saying “cockcock” instead of chocolate was bad enough, he’s now started saying “cocklick” instead
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) October 17, 2021
Need everyone to know my 4 year old calls Darth Vader “Darth Tomater”
— Paul Palmeri (@ThisPaul) October 20, 2021
My daughter says “cheese” instead of “geez” and I swear I’m never correcting her because it’s the absolute cutest thing.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) January 22, 2021
“I just want to wear my pjs all day, cheese mom.”
My daughter calls sniffles "jiggles" and anyone who doesn't start using this now hates fun.
— Emme Reynolds (@TheEmmeReynolds) May 19, 2021
"Are you feeling sick?"
"Nope, it's just my usual case of the morning jiggles."
My daughter keeps calling the dental assistant a waitress and I’m never gonna correct her
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) September 14, 2021
My 5-year-old calls the hair on my arms and legs fur. I’m a werewolf now.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) September 22, 2021
My 5yo is starting Kindergarten in two weeks and to say it feels surreal is an understatement but she still refers to her favorite Star Wars droid as “CPPO” so gonna hold on to that for as long as I can.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) August 28, 2021
There has been a crew of roofers working at our house for a few days, and my 6yo refers to them as the “builder mans,” and now I shall hereinafter refer to any handy person as a Builder Man going forward.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) September 30, 2021
My 4 year old calls uppercase and lowercase “the big version” and “the little version” 🤣❤️
— Darby Stouffer (@DarbyStouffer) October 25, 2021
My daughter says "lasturday" instead of yesterday and I'd like her to be in charge of new words please.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) April 24, 2021
My kid is nearly ten, and just called cauliflower “white broccoli” because we don’t bring that disgusting vegetable into our home.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 14, 2021
12 just called bugles “booglies “
— Heather #BLM🏳️🌈 (@dishs_up) July 12, 2021
So, that’s what they’re called now.
Arguing with preteens is just too hard
My preschooler just referred to diaper rash as “poopy rash” and I’ll never call it anything else now.
— Unremarkable Files (@ThatEvansLady) February 16, 2020
: My six year old calls thinking Brain School.
— kate (@iwannabek8_) October 24, 2021
My 8yo just referred to Santa as a “Christmas wizard.”
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) November 28, 2019
My five-year-old just referred to my boobs as “long mountains” so let’s make that a thing.
— Janelle Hanchett (@JanelleHanchett) June 6, 2019
My toddler just referred to a fly as an “air-spider,” and now I’m thinking we should probably allow toddlers to name more things.
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) February 27, 2019
One of the biggest challenges of parenthood is keeping a straight face when you tell your child not to say “chocolate pee pee”.
— Marissa S. Pumpkins 🎃💚🍃💛 (@michimama75) October 21, 2021
My 7 year-old calls his big toe his “thumb toe” and I hope he never stops.
— Laura Thien (@ThienAngst) July 25, 2021
Instead of “the weekend,” my 4yo calls Saturday and Sunday “iPad days,” if you’re wondering how my parenting is going.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 18, 2020
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