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What Your Partner Is Actually Thinking During Sex

What Your Partner Is Actually Thinking During Sex

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Unless you are a necrophiliac, it’s only natural to wonder what your partner is thinking during intercourse. Here are several common thoughts everyone has in the bedroom.

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“How would I resolve The Trolley Problem?”

“How would I resolve The Trolley Problem?”

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They may be moaning, but there’s a good chance they’re pondering the famous thought experiment and whether they’d directly sacrifice the life of one person to save five.

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“Oh my God, this is fucking amazing!”

“Oh my God, this is fucking amazing!”

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Your partner’s thinking about a brisket sandwich they once had.

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“But what ever will the Duke think?”

“But what ever will the Duke think?”

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While amorous, should the Duke learn of this transgression it would throw all of the province into turmoil.

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“Do I call him Billy? Billy-Bob? Or Mr. Thornton?”

“Do I call him Billy? Billy-Bob? Or Mr. Thornton?”

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Ideally, this would be discussed pre-coitus.

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“Now that they’re lulled into a false sense of security, my interstellar armada should attack.”

“Now that they’re lulled into a false sense of security, my interstellar armada should attack.”

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Never underestimate the element of surprise.

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“Wow! My partner is the best at sex!”

“Wow! My partner is the best at sex!”

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It’s technically possible that they’re thinking this.

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I absolutely do not like the look that sand tiger shark is giving us.”

I absolutely do not like the look that sand tiger shark is giving us.”

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Yeah, you probably shouldn’t have proposed sex at an aquarium.

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There’s no way that this makes babies.”

There’s no way that this makes babies.”

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Seriously, what are the odds sticking that in there could make another human?

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“I think my parents did this too.”

“I think my parents did this too.”

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Yep. They boned without protection in the back of a Camaro.

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“Man, J.K. Simmons was absolutely chilling in Oz.”

“Man, J.K. Simmons was absolutely chilling in Oz.”

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People rightfully talk about the actor’s performance in Whiplash, but that doesn’t compare to his role as Nazi​ inmate​​ ​Vernon Schillinger.

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“This is what they do in porn.”

“This is what they do in porn.”

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Several minutes of quiet kissing and missionary.

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“If any continent still had dinosaurs that survived extinction, it has to be South America.”

“If any continent still had dinosaurs that survived extinction, it has to be South America.”

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It’s a big if, but there are still parts of Chile that are very isolated and remain untouched by human civilization.

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“I’d rather be having sex in Duluth, MN.”

“I’d rather be having sex in Duluth, MN.”

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Wouldn’t we all?

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“Where did they learn how to do that?”

“Where did they learn how to do that?”

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You’ve been working hard on practicing juggling, and doing it during sex is sure to surprise your partner.

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“I am hungry for a McDonald’s Filet-o-Fish and I hope I get one before this is over.”

“I am hungry for a McDonald’s Filet-o-Fish and I hope I get one before this is over.”

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Unfortunately, delivery drivers aren’t always fast enough to get there before you ejaculate.

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“My seventh-grade Spanish teacher was kinda hot.”

“My seventh-grade Spanish teacher was kinda hot.”

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Whatever it takes to get there, ya know?

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“This is so nice of me.”

“This is so nice of me.”

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Ninety-nine percent of the time, people having sex with you are just taking pity on you.

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“I have a medium to average sex partner right now.”

“I have a medium to average sex partner right now.”

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Good for you!

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“Is this the one that likes a finger up their ass or the one who hates it?”

“Is this the one that likes a finger up their ass or the one who hates it?”

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Self explanatory.

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