Nets Front Office Wishes Kyrie Irving Would Stop Acting Like Kyrie Irving

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BROOKLYN, NY—Expressing frustration with the NBA star’s outspokenness and unorthodox conspiratorial views, the Nets front office confirmed Wednesday that they wish Kyrie Irving would stop acting like Kyrie Irving. “It’s a huge distraction; when you sign a player like Kyrie Irving, you don’t expect to get a player like Kyrie Irving,” said Nets general manager Sean Marks, who noted that Irving was sabotaging a potential championship team by refusing to cooperate with management and berating his teammates with baseless, controversial opinions like he was Kyrie Irving. “If Kyrie is going to continue acting like the player we signed, we may have to consider going in a different direction. We do hope Kyrie Irving snaps out of it and stops acting like Kyrie Irving before the season starts.” At press time, the Nets were discussing cutting Kyrie Irving to sign someone who would be less of a distraction like soon-to-be free agent Kyrie Irving.