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Majority Of Office’s Supplies Used To Apply For Different Job

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ST. PAUL, MN—Sources at local digital marketing agency Fusion Media confirmed Monday that the company’s stationery, broadband connection, printers, fax machines, and various other office equipment and supplies are primarily used by employees to apply for different jobs. “Do you know if we have any more printer paper in the supply closet—maybe some of that nicer, heavier-stock paper we use for presentations?” account executive Ingrid Zander was overheard asking office manager Heidi Campbell, who was herself reportedly using the company’s digital postage meter to send off a résumé and cover letter to a competing business. “And could you check to see if we have any legal envelopes, too? I’m going to need seven of those.” Sources also reported that the four Fusion Media employees who had taken a sick day Monday were all currently seated at a PR firm several blocks away interviewing for the same position.