Disturbing Facts Disney Would Never Want You To Know About Their Theme Parks

This giant 150-foot organ pumps out the blood that nourishes the attractions throughout the futuristic park.

You can get as high as you want in the parking lot before going in and there’s nothing they can do about it.

Spooky!

Disney Imagineers use this trick to make buildings look way bigger than they are, but if you get up close, you’ll notice Cinderella’s castle is only 5 inches tall.

Disney’s version of the sugary pastries was developed by Fritz Von Essen in accordance with missile designs he used for German fighter jets during WWII.

Every park patron who turns 18 will be required to serve in the Disney Military, serving its interests at both domestic parks and abroad.

This hidden gem boasts the only potable water for miles.

Contrary to its “Happiest Place On Earth” slogan, no visitor to the park has ever survived, including hundreds who escaped only to be hunted down later.

Contrary to its title, this ride is boring as fuck.

While Walt Disney’s alleged antisemitism has never been proven, his decision to close all his parks on April 20 has always raised eyebrows.

Cast members have reported being hit, kicked, shoved, and even bit by Disney executives visiting the parks.

One of the most reliable supermarkets isn’t good enough for Disney apparently, although they’ll never say it to your face.

Instead, the suit is occupied by 20 gallons of mild vegetarian chili.

Though not publicized in order to respect his privacy, the reclusive author of V. and Gravity’s Rainbow can often be seen enjoying a Conjurita at the AbracadaBar on Disney’s Boardwalk.

An armed, undercover marshal is present on every roller coaster cart just in case anything goes wrong mid-ride.

Disney would hate if you knew, but anyone registered in the United States as a sex offender is allowed in free every single day of the year, whether they’ve served jail time or not.

A creature known as “Goofy” can frequently be seen roaming the parks despite having no known connection to the Disney brand.

No one knows why this happens.

In order to save up enough money to visit Disney World, the average American child would have to incessantly beg their parents to take them there for six to eight months.

Put aside your phone. Close your laptop. Look out at the green grass, the stunning sky. Breathe in the clean air. This is your life. This very instant is as rich and wild with mystery as any other moment. You don’t need to be riding the Beaver Brothers Explorer Canoes to feel this way. You can have it now.