A ritual as old as time itself, this year’s pubis-shearing is expected to be among the largest in decades, with more than 20,000 tons of curly clippings predicted to fall by Feb. 14.and then enjoy a nice candlelit three-course dinner,” said Brooklyn resident Lydia Simonson, who along with many other hopeful lovers will soon excuse herself from her daily duties, retreat to a nearby bathroom, and carefully tend to the area around her genitalia.
“David and I are going to take a long walk around the park and then maybe on the way home we’ll stop and grab some ice cream,” said Julie Stibbons, a Dallas-area design consultant who recently made use of grooming shears, a pair of tweezers, and two magnifying mirrors to contribute her 0.4 ounces to the nation’s total raw tonnage. “I wonder if David will send me flowers at work like last year.”
But with the booming economy of the 1990s, the U.S. saw a significant resurgence in pre–Valentine’s Day shearing and plucking.“There’s a huge spike every year in the first half of February,” said Brooks Watson, who is head of sales at Schick, makers of the TrimStyle razor for women. “The rest of the year, Americans generate about 50,000 tons of total trimmings, but in the week before this special holiday we see a massive jump. It’s a veritable clear-cutting down there.
Lmafo
All on one head
It's not Valentine's Day until I see this tweet.
Except mine! 🤣🤣🤣
Very few from my crotch because repeat: I keep my kitty bare to barely.
hey i wonder if that onlyfan site was the site one of the macfauxlanes got the picture of SethMacFarlane in bed with no shirt on under the covers looking at someone behind/above the camera? o.O
Would be more but can’t reach our backs
Nothing wrong with pubic hair, people.
That tonnage is suspiciously identical to last years total.
'Oh, a bag of potpourri? It smells lovely.'
God works in mysterious ways. He gives you things that you don't need.
It’s the right thing to do
Borat would be proud
Eeeeew
and those were just mine
they actually use the trimmings as turf for the next years super bowl
That’s a shame.
Ah, well done to The Onion for looking after the environment by recycling this joke.
I only did it for the free heart-shaped pizza
This is unironically a fact I bet
tokenizedtweets 0xbC7B03bE761743D7173513EceCBd09Afd0D9a6d4
How bout dem legs
For that dressed chicken look
Update: She convinced a friend to do likewise.
🤣
Blame it on covid
Used for wigs?
A classic.
Oh god 😱 a beautician once told me, her busiest time was just before valentine's Day. For the love of God, why did she have to tell me😱 The grim reality
Crap! Knew i forgot something!
not in this pandemic
That will make a lot of MyPillows
In related news, the My Pillow guy is replacing his shredded foam filling with “all new environmentally sustainable organic, coiled spring filling”.
An onion staple of valentines
That would make an interesting self made gift. Much better than pasta art.
from just those 2 ppl? That's quite the bush...
Truly a bonanza for plumbers!
Excited married men glad their birthday doesn't fall on valentines day, thus keeping their sex count for the year at a solid two.
Now thats what i call as 'News'worthy
therealjjanze 👀
Be adding another ton once I do my back
Plumbers paradise ......😂
Borat bunu beğendi
NO! }:(
Once again I implore all followers to click through and check the publication date on these posts. Often the funniest thing is that it’s truly evergreen content that will never grow old, no matter how much we think the world changes.
These hero's are keeping the mohair suit industry alive
Bring back the woolly ‘70s.
AdamTwelv That's an awful lot of pubic hair, for just these 2 people.
And that's just in my bathroom. 😐
Jokes on you, I'm trimmed all year round.
Those 2 people are ready! How many tons for the rest of us?
The Onion always has the big picture in mind.
Did mine last weekend. Thinking of doing it once a month.
allahpundit And it will all fit in one GIANT soda can.
Oh hell yeah!
Laughing too hard to comment.
Trimming in style...
Is waxing a butthole included in trimming stats? Asking for a friend.
Shouldn't have a shortage for pubic hair transplants till January of next year.
Tru dat.
TMI
Thats just me alone!
Unclear if this is a joke or a reminder but thank you
does this look like a Q?
That was so 2017
And sent straight to Michael Bolton’s mustache.
DasburT_
carlydermott Before: Button on a fir coat, after, just a button
figures, as usual the elites ignore real Americans. Not one word of empathy for the uncloggers of this world. Plumbers Unite! Let the pubes be, make 'em drain their own swamp.
Fearless_Fred These are great for making shapes! ❤️🔹🔴♠️ practice on your dog first!
Wow, he should probably do it more than once a year then.
They should have stuffed heart shaped pillows with them.
Are they donating that hair ?
We should've had an 50 year anniversary of the 70s style
😳😂
OMG! WHERE DOES IT GO? Do we need to be on the lookout for giant balls of pubes rolling down the street?
plucked and condensed for her pleasure
Whoa! Just between those two?
Gotta be a liberals idea.
I did it all for the nookie, her cookie
Thanks for the reminder!!!
analogyboys
Sculpted mine into a lightening bolt. 'Cause I never strike the same spot twice!
That’s a lot of paint brushes
That’s gross
Amateurs
Prob a fact
LikeSmize Good time to be a plumber 💰
*marked safe*
11,000 tons of it were later reported to have been in vain.
RELATED: 18,000 Tons of Pubic Hair Needlessly Trimmed
Is that accounting for the crabs?
I didn’t weigh it, but I’d say there was about 20,000 tons. I hadn’t rummaged around down there for quite some time. Found a set of car keys I lost back in October.
IT’S SO BAD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT
That's amore.
Just slap some pomade on it and slick it back, sheesh!
Ew.
No one likes the onion
Business in the front, party in the back
So I was the only one?
. I feel a slight need for smelling salts after the picture that created in my mind. That much pubic hair would have .. odds it would have some pretty nasty biology in it
Its going into our drinking water and our oceans. Please recycle...
BigGame33 ShanOSea
Leave It To (bald) Beaver
I hope its put to good use!!!
When you have enough to fill a cushion...
it should really be called private hair and not public hair
Leave it to (bald) Beaver
Segway, tons of wigs available after valentines day(definitely not made out of pubic hair!)
Better do more than trim or our day is going to be underwater.
Seriously. This is appropriate news? Wtf is wrong with this world and ppl? Shave that shit off regularly!!! 🤪
My wife is gonna love her giant pube bouquet. Thanks everyone!
SchickXtreme SchickHydro BarbasolShave can I get a sponsorship?
I wonder how my girl shaves her butt?
FivePointsVids I know the perfect promo code for that
“Bosley Hair Loss Treatment supplies skyrocket; get a good deal”
Are pubic hairs bio-degradable?
it’s what you do with it afterwards that makes the gift special
And placed in random pockets of jeans at departments stores across the country.
Seems low
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