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17-Year-Old Asks Friend What It Means When Guy You Like Wants Blanket Pardon

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PENSACOLA, FL—Wondering if this was a sign that their relationship was “official,” local 17-year-old high school student Sophie Garrett was overheard Wednesday asking her friend what it means when the guy you like wants a blanket pardon. “Has a guy ever mentioned something called a ‘blanket pardon,’” said the senior class treasurer to a reportedly more experienced friend, explaining that she didn’t want to look up the unfamiliar term on a school computer and risk getting detention. “He hasn’t directly asked me yet, but I peeked at some of his texts and it was mentioned several times—like, he was almost bragging about it. Not to sound like a prude, but is it normal hand stuff, or am I supposed to do more things, like, under the blanket? I don’t want to feel pressured into it, like when he asked to check if I was wearing a wire, but I don’t want him to break up with me either. Ugh, this is what I get for liking bad boys.” At press time, a note recovered at the scene confirmed that everybody at the school had already heard that Garrett did blanket pardons.\n

PENSACOLA, FL—Wondering if this was a sign that their relationship was “official,” local 17-year-old high school student Sophie Garrett was overheard Wednesday asking her friend what it means when the guy you like wants a blanket pardon. “Has a guy ever mentioned something called a ‘blanket pardon,’” said the senior class treasurer to a reportedly more experienced friend, explaining that she didn’t want to look up the unfamiliar term on a school computer and risk getting detention.

when he asked to check if I was wearing a wire, but I don’t want him to break up with me either. Ugh, this is what I get for liking bad boys.” At press time, a note recovered at the scene confirmed that everybody at the school had already heard that Garrett did blanket pardons.

 

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jjjinvesting They have a tight cunt and cute person. Am I eating you cunt you girls?

She probably thinks a blanket pardon is for when you fart under the covers.

Did she ask her that on the plane crossing states lines after getting the Venmo ? 1000 dollars for 💋🍆🍑- love Matt

That's when he wants inappropriate time under the blanket. Nothing like sharing what you are feeling inside with someone you care about. Truly tests the strength of a relationship.

Alexa, what is a subtweet?

omg run girl

The subtweet game is STRONG with this one. Well done.

🤣

She likes him?! Then she's got issues of her own!

Is that a euphemism for not being able to get it up?

Coincidentally, he was also asking about statute of limitations...

Topical. The world's news leader.

amazing

lmao

Wow.. Just wow.👏👏👏👏👏👀

🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯🔥

This is one of those rare hybrid smh and cringe moments

xeni

이르시되 나의 성도들을 내 앞에 모으라HolyMidweekWord 2021.04.08

She also wants to know if he has a statue fetish after seeing statutory rape referenced in several texts.

КУДА ХУЙ , ТУДА И НОГИ

In this scenario it's for dutch ovens.

You know... For dutch ovens.

Yup

Man, the Onion has been absolutely on fire lately.

This is good

Oh my God...

💀

Silly Matt Gaetz

'We were on a break!'

Future civilizations will realize that only The Onion reported the truth

Wait till the discover they're both dating Matt Gaetz.

It allows men to say, 'they old enough to walk....they old enough to.....'

Walkoff tweet

Oh no

This

“Ah, they grow up too slow don’t they?”

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