PASADENA, CA—In a development hailed by leading sexual behaviorists as a “giant leap forward” in the field of erotomolecular biology, imaging scientists at the California Institute of Technology announced Friday they have completed the decades-long project of mapping the human G-spot. “Today, we have finally catalogued, categorized, and compiled the location and dimensions of the human G-spot—the first step in harnessing its awesome and hitherto untapped power,” said lead researcher Winston Andrews, adding that the results of the project would soon be made available online so that all of humanity might gaze with wonder upon the elegant framework underlying their own erogenous zones. “Some might say we are playing God, and that some mysteries were never meant to be uncovered. However, we believe that the Human G-Spot Project will help demonstrate our shared humanity. It doesn’t matter if you’re brown or white, man or woman—our G-spots are all 99.9 percent alike. We even share 96 percent of our G-spots with chimpanzees.” Andrews expressed his eternal gratitude to the thousands of scientists worldwide who had volunteered their time and bodies to ensure the project’s success.