Why mixed weight dating shouldn't be a vehicle for body shaming

Bianca LondonThis is why whenever we see couples featuring fat men and their slim wives on TV no one seems to bat an eyelid. Male fat bodies aren’t as heavily policed as womens’ bodies and so because they are so normalised within society, these particular pairings aren’t seen as anything out of the ordinary. Patriarchy, AMIRITE?!But let people see a pairing featuring a fat woman, and all hell breaks loose.

One study in 2016 asked 230 participants to rate how they felt towards a variety of fictional couples. The mixed-weight couples were viewed less favourably. Participants were then asked to matchmake a series of couples with a variety of BMIs and were noted to only pair couples that had similar BMIs. In a third test, researchers asked what their advice would be to mixed-weight couples and similar-weight couples, and many advised mixed-weight couples not to take their dates out in public.

'I've abused my body in so many ways': Charli Howard powerfully reveals how she went from buying diet pills on the internet to finally loving herself'I've abused my body in so many ways': Charli Howard powerfully reveals how she went from buying diet pills on the internet to finally loving herselfNow, while the term ‘mixed weight’ may not seem an offensive term to most, it’s a word that many consider extremely loaded.

Living within the intersections of being larger plus size and darker skinned black, I’ve also had my share of fetishising comments from white men who claim to be into fat, black women under the assumption that we are aggressive, dominant and sassy - all prejudices based on overt racial tropes.

Nevertheless, it’s important that ‘mixed-weight’ relationships are visible. It is only through the constant exposure that we can begin to normalise things once considered ‘other’ - recognising our differences and sharing our knowledge is how we learn acceptance. However, this isn’t a term you can force upon someone - it’s up to the couple in question to decide whether they want to embrace such a label, not a way to body-shame those who fall outside of society's narrow beauty standards.

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