'My long-term boyfriend was a secret drug addict'
After Liam* became abusive, Sarah* realised he'd been hiding his addiction for years.
But something that hasn't really been looked into before is how deeply drug dependency can impact on relationships. New research from
It was found that everyone's happiness in a relationship declined as their frequency of drug use increased - while people whose partners occasionally used drugs cited their happiness as between 7-8 on the scale, for women who were with someone who constantly used drugs it fell to a 3. More than half (56%) of respondents said they wouldn't remain in a relationship with someone who was suffering from substance abuse, but leaving a partner over their drug use is rarely simple.
When I did see Liam, drugs were usually involved. He always DJed at the weekends so we went out a lot - we'd have some drinks, use typical club drugs and smoke some weed. It never occurred to me that his drug use was anything more than occasional.
When we moved to Spain together just after my graduation, it really hit me. He was in his element with his job, and I realised drugs were a daily thing for him. There was always an excuse to take drugs and soon it became a daily thing to pop a pill, or grab a baggy and go out. I didn’t always want to party, but he'd pressure me to. Then we'd get into horrific arguments which our roommates overheard through our thin apartment walls. I slowly began to realise I was moulding my life to fit his.
He became very physically aggressive and he'd make me do things I just wasn't comfortable with. He started using drugs and booze to make me more open to trying things I didn’t want to in the bedroom. I was thinking,"Oh my god, this is not OK." And as time went on, our sex was either very aggressive or we didn't have sex at all. I ended up finding all these night jobs to avoid going home. I was afraid.
I'd be doing laundry and find empty baggies in his pockets, which was evidence he was doing a lot more drugs than he said he was. Liam would come home and say he just drank that night, or just took"one little pill". He'd either shrug it off when I asked, or get mad and tell me it wasn’t my business. And he was still getting physically aggressive at home - I don’t know why I stayed so long.
A lot of people in that situation don't realise how poisonous it is, to them. I certainly didn’t. To have to carry that energy around in your relationship or home is unhealthy and something that’s going to halt your growth as a person.Read more: Cosmopolitan UK
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