My childhood addiction was sugar – this is important as it set me up for my later need to change the way I was feeling with something mind-altering. After my parents divorced when I was 15, my mother stopped drinking with the help of Alcoholics Anonymous. I had AA’s Serenity Prayer down in my teens. My father died from his alcoholic lifestyle at the age of 62.
Working in fashion turned out to be perfect for me to continue my career, not only as a journalist, but as a budding alcoholic and addict. My poster girl was Kate Moss. Seemingly everywhere I looked people were drinking, taking cocaine and partying and being, as I saw it, fabulous. I so desperately wanted to be fabulous, to escape my childhood, to live the life I saw in magazines, and in many ways I did. It’s tragic now I look back on it.
My disease progressed at a slow pace. I quit everything to get pregnant, but a few months after my son was born, it crept back in. By my mid-40s, a time when most people have hung up their hard partying shoes, I was still going, secretly, with a small group of friends. That night in March 2020 was a week before my 47birthday, I entered re-hab four days after it, and haven’t looked back.
Today I understand what caused me to drink and party, and I have the tools to deal with uncomfortable feelings when they arise. I’m so much happier and know how to feel peace sober, rather than chase it away with drink. I’ve lost the friends who continue to party, and made many new ones. Life is good. I have clarity, and understanding.
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