It's common to feel nervous or unable to relax when receiving oral sex
It's common to feel nervous or unable to relax when receiving oral sex.
all as a way to enhance our oral sex experiences. But, for some people (loads of people!) receiving oral sex or being gone down on feels a little too intimate.Having someone's head in your vulva can make you feel anxious, uncomfortable, nervous and unable to relax - which btw are all very much not conducive to sexual pleasure. So, if you don't like receiving oral sex, you're certainly not alone. Of course, you absolutely do not have to learn to like it, and if you never do there is nothing wrong with you. But if you'd like to know how to relax more, get out of your head and maybe even feel some pleasure from it, that's okay too.
Here, women and people with vulvas who didn't like being licked out explain how they came to enjoy receiving oral sex (or at least how they're working on it...)"I felt guilty asking for it""I stopped being self-conscious about it. In the past I felt pressured about having to enjoy oral which made the experience more nerve-wracking than sensual. However, I wasn't used to the sensation and it took some mental adjusting for it to start feeling pleasurable. Also my previous partner had an aversion to bodily fluids which made me feel guilty to even ask. So if it didn't start feeling good within three minutes during the few oral encounters we did have, I'd get so self-conscious I'd ask him to stop."
Adene Sanchez"I was self-conscious about my taste and smell""My husband loves giving oral, and actively expressed how much he wanted to go down on me. He never made me feel guilty when it would take a while, and always gave me reassurance when I was self conscious about my smell, or taste. I got more comfortable with it in general, and then was happy to oblige when he wanted to do it. It always felt great, but wasn't necessarily something I would miss. As time progressed, he learned what I liked and everything started to feel amazing. He got his tongue pierced, and that was a game changer. I am a huge fan!" headtopics.com
[via]"I got to know my body""For me it was definitely getting to know me, my body and how I liked to be touched, what felt good and what didn't. When I first started having sex I would be too ashamed to talk during sex. Now I try to communicate with my partner and lead them to how I feel the most pleasure. It's a process, and the person doing it really has a big part in whether it'll be good or not."
[via]"I was scared I'd fart""I was scared to get so relaxed I might fart on my boyfriend (husband now). Well I said, 'fuck it I'm telling him'. And once I did, I stopped being so nervous and never farted on him!"Delmaine Donson
"I was weirded out by the thought of a tongue there""It's definitely about the person and also I finally figured out what felt enjoyable. I was always so weirded out by the thought and sensation of a tongue on that part of my body. Some men eat it like they're afraid to get their face wet. If you aren't in that like a rapidly melting triple-scoop cone of your favourite flavour then it just feels... sterile. But it's mostly being comfortable enough with the person to say, 'A for effort but now let's go for technicals'".
[via]"I started telling them what I liked" Read more: Cosmopolitan UK »
BBC Radio 4 - Woman's Hour, Arooj Aftab, PIP implants, Race, trauma & culture, Reclaiming sexist language
Arooj Aftab; PIP implants; Race, trauma and culture; Reclaiming sexist language.