'Dear Lala I'm struggling with the impact of my boyfriend's mental health'

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Our columnist Lala lends her advice to a woman 'walking on eggshells'

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In a new twist on Lalalaletmeexplain's hit column, readers ask for her expert advice on their own love, sex and relationship problems.

Lately, he's been angry with me because I make less money than him. I've been trying to find a new job but it's difficult in a country where I don't even speak the language. The symptoms of a personality disorder may range from mild to severe and usually emerge in adolescence, persisting into adulthood.BPD certainly does have an impact on relationships and can make them very difficult, and turbulent, but it doesn't excuse abuse. I think it’s a good idea to think about how this would all sound if you took his mental health issues out of it.

Of course, all relationships have ups and downs, and sometimes there are challenges. But the way you’ve described your relationship sounds as though you’re predominantly experiencing downs and that there is little room for things to improve. “People with the full-blown disorder are very rarely that functional, though he may have lots of the traits and would still require therapy to even things out for him.

"It can be difficult to enforce boundaries in a relationship with a person with BPD because they may see boundaries as rejection and may escalate their dysfunctional behaviour in response," Doctor Mia continued. "For example, if he needs a certain type of reassurance and she doesn’t give it exactly how he needs it then he is likely to see her as the problem rather than being able to rationalise it as an issue resulting from his BPD, if that makes sense.

People with BPD are deserving of love, care and patience and if they’re committed to doing the work, getting the right support, and gaining control of their mental health, then they can be loving partners.

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