“The very thought of you has my legs spread apart like an easel with a canvas begging for art.” That is how the 27-year-old Canadian poet Rupi Kaur writes about sex. Urgent, powerful and raw, her bittersweet poems about sexuality, femininity and survival can be read on Instagram, where she first found her audience. The Instagram generation clearly connects, as Kaur’s first book,, is a global bestseller.
Does it matter that we’re getting our dopamine highs from social media instead of orgasms? Moyle thinks so. “Humans are primed for connection and pleasure is good for us, it can help us sleep, combat stress and boost self-esteem. If you’re the object of someone’s desire, that’s quite exciting. The other big thing is it’s an escape. When you can just focus on the pleasurable experience, you’re in a different zone.
Dr Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at the Kinsey Institute, adds that a spike in love chemicals can also make us more dynamic and determined. “Romantic love is good for you because the dopamine system gives you energy, optimism, focus and motivation,” she says. “When you have an orgasm you have a flood of oxytocin, which is associated with feelings of attachment and calm.
You just wait.
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