The problem is that, for a long time, heteronormative, partnered sex has been depicted , in such a way that puts primacy on male pleasure. These depictions reinforce a monolithic view of sex , and discounts all other wonderful aspects of sex, like oral, which can be key to pleasure. If you are able to orgasm in other ways, such as through oral sex, make sure you communicate that to your sexual partner, so they know how to make you come.
I had “situational anorgasmia”, which is when you’re only able to have an orgasm in certain circumstances, such as during masturbation or with a certain partner. I interviewed the brilliantabout this some time ago and she told me that the most common reason we see this in women is “people either not knowing enough about how to give themselves pleasure, or not being able to communicate the types of pleasure that work best with a partner”.
Another common factor, she noted, was people “getting distracted during sex, by thoughts that are going through their mind about how close they are to orgasm or what the other person is thinking. Hence they are not present in their body.” That really resonated with me. Once you have a “bad” sexual experience, it’s easy to carry the subsequent anxiety into future sexual experiences, which is obviously a huge distraction.
Whether you’ve never orgasmed before or are struggling to for a specific reason, the best place to start is with self-pleasure. Get to know your body with a great sex toy , and find out what feels good, and what doesn’t, on your own, without the pressure of someone else being there. Once you know what gives you pleasure, you’re in a better position to be able to communicate to a sexual partner how they can give it to you.
Wow 😯
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