My 20s zipped-by in a haze of bad booze and worse hangovers. And I know people say, “oh, you won’t feel any different”, but they’re wrong. When the clock struck midnight I was hit by the dizzying sense that my life was bigger than me. I don’t know what brand ofhocus-pocus was at play, but my age suddenly seemed to hang off me like an adult’s coat off a toddler.
It’s not really worth quantifying this by saying “when I was at school, 30 seemed SO OLD”, because when I was at school, 22 seemed ancient – which just proves that children are idiots.But unlike any other age, 30 seemed aggressively grown-up right up until the minute I reached it. And even then, even now , I still feel like my life doesn’t match up to the things a 30-year-old is “supposed” to own and do.
I assumed that by the time I reached the grand old age of 30, I’d be at peace, full of wisdom and on the right path, whatever that might be. I assumed that I’d get it . There are many things I thought I’d know, but still don’t. Off the top of my head, here are 30 examples…30 before 30: “I assumed that by 30 I’d be at peace, full of wisdom and on the right path, whatever that might be”Read a thousand self-help books and they’ll inevitably define success in a thousand different ways.
Success, growing up, seemed as tangible as an orange. If I closed my eyes, I could hold it, I could smell it, I could almost taste it. Good grades, a degree, owning a home and having a career where I swung from one salary band to the next like Tarzan on his vines, all felt within my reach. But the older I’ve gotten the more I’ve come to wonder how money relates to success, and how ‘success’ relates to happiness.
Some of the most ‘successful’ people I know, the ones who are making a real impact on the world, and who are happy because of it, also don’t have that much money. On the flipside, the most anxious and miserable I’ve been is when I haven’t had enough money to pay my rent. Zadie Smith says that being low on cash is an ‘existential threat’, as“When each bill hitting the mat no longer represents an existential threat you are freed from an inhibiting and oppressive form of daily fear.
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