When parents are monsters: Survivor of child sexual abuse recounts trauma, supports review of Maintenance of Parents Act

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SINGAPORE — Four decades might have gone by since Daniel (not his real name) was sexually abused as a child by his father, but the trauma caused by the heinous act has had a lasting impact on his daily life.

Though he had repressed the negative memories, he recounted how there were occasions when, while brushing his teeth, he would get flashbacks and experience “unwelcome textures, smells or taste” that make him want to clean his mouth as much as possible in an effort to mask these sensations.Now in his 40s, Daniel said that he is filled with rage whenever he thinks of the man who tarnished his childhood.

Last amended in 2010, the law provides for elders who are unable to financially maintain themselves adequately, so that they may have a legal channel to seek maintenance from their children. To get feedback, the workgroup and MSF's Alliance for Action to Strengthen Marriages and Family Relationships arranged 13 focus group discussions. They took place between January and February this year.

“Allowing such parents to file against survivors like me can cause high levels of distress and even retrigger our trauma again.”“I survived the sexual abuse experiences because, somehow, my mind disconnected with reality during the experience and then I repressed my memories after that.” He admitted that he became self-destructive at times, such as drinking excessively and recklessly riding his motorcycle because he wanted to live on the “edge between life and death”, when he felt that life had little value for him.

“There have been known cases of child sexual abuse leading to a wide range of issues such as eating disorders, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and even promiscuous behaviour,” Mr Nair added.It was only about five years ago — when he ran into trouble with his marriage — that Daniel began to understand the extent and consequences of the physical and emotional abuse.

He does not object to the view that a child should support his or her parents, Daniel said, but he himself has yet to forgive his father.

 

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