What It Feels Like Grieving Through A Deadly Pandemic

Long before the coronavirus hit our shores and upended life as we’ve known it, the year wasn’t great to be honest, at least to me. This has been before coronavirus and the lockdown but for the purpose of this story, let’s focus on the lockdown. At the beginning of this pandemic, I didn’t pay much attention to the news because I too believed it was just like the flu and it would come and go. My colleagues would make jokes about the world coming to an end.

I finally had all the time on my hands working from home and still couldn’t do all the things I had thought impossible in the days when work was the only stumbling block. I couldn’t go to all the restaurants I had bookmarked for when I had time. I missed my school. I never really like going into school because it was time-consuming but all of a sudden, I missed seeing my classmates and complaining about the hours we spent in school.

When I told her I got accepted into my current Master’s program, she was so excited. It was the same university, my grandfather, her husband had graduated from. She told me many stories and could still remember some of the buildings that were there fifty years ago. I promised to bring home the school’s scarf because my grandfather’s was nowhere to be found. My grandma was a pure soul who had a solution for almost every problem. She was also the ATM who bailed me out many times.

With the pandemic, the loss of my grandma and working on my dissertation, my mental health was forced to go through it. I was angry and in so much pain. I felt like my heart was breaking and people couldn’t see it. I received a lot of condolence messages which were great, my friends stood by me.

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