While more attention has been paid to the girl-child and the attendant sexual abuse over-time, Dorcas Egede in this piece, reports on the under-reported yet steadily growing cases of sexual abuse of the boy-child. She spoke with several adults who recounted their sexual abuse as boys.
According to him, “We live in a society where a part of the society is unfair to the girl-child and a part of the society is unfair to the boy-child.
By the time he got into the university, he had slept with several girls, became ardent at masturbating and done pornography. But a time came in his life when he knew he “needed a change of mindset. One day, I met someone that gave me a book, “The psychology of sex”. After reading the book, I saw a step-by-step approach on how to break free. I started following the steps, and in six months, I could do without sex, masturbation and pornography. That was when I knew I had started breaking free.
The turning point for Johnson came when he was about age 18. He believes strongly that his freedom from sexual depravity was divine. “You know when you’re becoming 17-19, sometimes it’s always difficult to break-off. The break-off for me started when I was 17. I got committed in church, and it became clear to me that I couldn’t continue in the addiction. The realities of life began to dawn on me and the word of God I’d heard all those years began to make sense to me.
Reacting to this, Adeyemi said, “The greatest fear of any woman is the fear of rejection, while the greatest fear of any man is the fear of shame. Men hate not to be seen as courageous. Anything that brings shame to us, we try to run away because we don’t want shame. Moreover, there’s a functional masculinity that sees men as very strong. Today, I can tell you men can be physically very strong, mentally productive, but an emotional wreck. But society has taught him never to cry.
Femi-Adedoyin on his part believes that abuse is made possible when parents are absent and not fully involved in the lives of their children. “I had absentee parents who left the house when we were yet to wake up and didn’t return until we had gone to bed. They were not available to even talk to. My parents’ absence, their being too hard on us and our fear of them made the abuse possible.”
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