A couples counselor shares a common mistake people make in relationship fights and explains why this habit can be so damaging.
In most relationships , fighting from time to time is normal—healthy even. You’re probably aware of the obvious no-nos, like name-calling, screaming, and the big one: any form of physical harm. But there’s one more subtle thing that you really shouldn’t do during an argument with your partner—and it’s incredibly common, Gayane Aramyan, LMFT, a Los Angeles–based therapist specializing in relationships, tells SELF.
Having disagreements and being truthful about your concerns and pet peeves—like their poor communication habits or frequent tardiness, let’s say—can actually help deepen your relationship and bring you closer, according to Aramyan. However, that’s only when you approach these conflicts with care. A more effective approach than slamming them with “always” or “never”: Use “I statements” and reframe your frustration as a concern—not an accusation, Aramyan recommends.
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