Queer Motherhood Is A Constant Lesson In What Others Take For Granted

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Playwright Sara Graefe shared the assumptions and gender norms her family faces

Sara Graefe is the author of

We decided to go with assisted reproduction. We talked about having one of our close friends be our sperm donor, but because of logistics we ended up going with a sperm bank where donors were open to being contacted once a child turns 18. The most devastating part of the birth experience came after our son, Michael, was born. We had complications, so we were in the hospital for a week. The nurses didn’t get that Amanda was my partner, not just a friend. They kept saying, “She’s such a good friend to be there 24/7 on a crappy mattress.” We corrected them, but it was tricky because of how exhausted we were. I couldn’t breastfeed and they were badmouthing us at the nursing station, saying I must be doing something wrong.

We had a brush with homophobia in 2005, someone had seen us walking holding hands on our street. There was a chill in the neighbourhood after that, neighbours were yanking their kids inside, if we passed. We realized then, we can’t stay here with a kid.

 

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