World Cup goal celebration songs – ranked!

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Fifa has decreed each nation should have a different song pumped into the stadium when they score. So which team has the best anthem to robot dance to and which expects their strikers to celebrate to a flute solo?

To some of us traditionalists, goal music should be banned. If you want to turn this into ice hockey, at least let the players have mass brawls on the pitch. But Fifa know better, of course, and they’re clearly not satisfied with the mere sound of a crowd going wild. Instead, they’ve asked each of the 32 competing nations to provide a song to be pumped around the arena any time they score.

But which is the best tune? More importantly, which provides the necessary adrenaline rush while also inflicting further psychological pain upon the conceders? As some teams haven’t even played yet, let alone scored, the only way to work this out is to rank them in the most scientific way possible: me listening to them once while imagining that I have just scored a goal for said country at theIt’s hard to imagine the office somewhere in Germany where someone uttered the words: “I know what we...

A decades-old rock cover version of a song from a 1943 Portuguese comedy film … I mean, I know this is a tough gig but is this really the best the Portuguese Football Federation could come up with?Slap bass and Pet Shop Boys synths … this was written in 1986 for the Danish team’s Mexico World Cup sojourn, and you can tell. Pleasant as a World Cup anthem, perhaps, but pretty underwhelming when I play it in my fantasy of getting on the end of a Christian Eriksen cross.

One of several instances of literalism on this list, which betrays a lack of deep tactical thinking. Call me a purist but no player should ever be made to celebrate to the sound of a flute riff.It’s hard to work out which segment of this shapeshifting song Costa Rica intend to play. The a cappella intro? The mid-paced reggae-rock song? The guitar solo over crowd noises? Given they got pasted 7-0 in their opening game against Spain, we may never find out.

With Qatar’s own song apparently not announced, this Saudi singer brings the required Middle Eastern flavour to the World Cup. Released in 1998, it features a droning instrument that would get under any opponent’s skin.The Ghanian rapper brings the party here. A suitably funky, full-team synchronised dance is de rigueur to go with this one.

 

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