Like being neat or colour-coding pencils? Believe me, that is not OCD

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Comment: Somewhere along the track a disorder involving intrusive thoughts and obsessions to neutralise those intrusive thoughts, lost its meaning and turned into an adjective

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“You are not defined by your thoughts,” we are told from a very young age. “You are not defined by your thoughts” we repeat to ourselves as tears stain our pillowcases and our bed sheets are gripped so tightly that they start to tear. “You are not defined by your thoughts” – why can’t we grasp that concept? Why are we repeating it almost 100 times and still not understanding it?, a debilitating anxiety disorder that is stigmatised in today’s society but treated flippantly at the same time.

But that’s not fair for the sufferers who spend hours looking in the mirror to try and figure out who they are or who are so afraid of being a monster that they isolate themselves from the world to “keep others safe”. The sufferers who constantly tell themselves the world would be a better place without them. It is not fair to us to make light of OCD as so often happens.

I spent days researching this case, trying to figure out why this grandfather did this, because if an ordinary person could flip a switch, that meant I could too. The idea of uncertainty made me feel so sick to my stomach I would vomit, shake, cry and not stop researching until I could come to a conclusion that this would never be me.

Someone with OCD could continuously reassure themselves that they are not their thoughts, to the point where they haven’t listened to a single thing you’ve said to them because they are so lost in their mind. Or they might drive around in circles to make sure they didn’t zone out on the road and hit someone without realising. Or wash their hands continuously, not because they want to be clean, but because they’re afraid they will contract a terminal illness if they don’t.

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