I'm 53 and want to be able to say I love my life. How do I begin, starting from here? | Leading questions

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In midlife and mid-pandemic, our connective ties can feel loose, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Rebinding them requires commitment

have been written about how to feel purpose and joy. You could have a lot of fun reading them and coming up with your own personal recipe, but I think a good starting mission is: insist on making your life as nourishing as you can and then find equilibrium with the remainder. Both parts of that mission are hard.

The first is hard because it requires grit and optimism when you might feel low on both. You write you’ve struggled to make and keep friends or hobbies. This is about insisting that can– one of my biggest role models couldn’t swim a lap as an adult and 10 years later swims kilometres in the ocean every week. But they change because you keep turning up.

That’s what gets you to part two; finding equilibrium with the remainder. Even when we’ve put serious elbow grease into making a life we’re proud of, there will be moments of loneliness and grief and worry. They may even be frequent. It can be tempting then to abandon the changes we’ve made, thinking “why bother?” – as though the things we fill our life with have betrayed us if we still don’t feel full. Resist that temptation as much as you can.

You write that you want to feel there “was” a purpose to your life, but a past tense isn’t in order yet. Start with a change of tense; ask what purposeDo you have a conflict, crossroads or dilemma you need help with? Eleanor Gordon-Smith will help you think through life’s questions and puzzles, big and small. Questions can be anonymous.

 

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