There has been intense discussion around consent recently, and these are vital conversations to have. But there is far less discussion about what comes afterwards: the actual sexual relationship.Sex therapists agree that no matter your age, we need a more expansive view of how to achieve sexual pleasure.It’s normal for the type of sex you’re having to change when life gets busy, or when you’re going through a particularly stressful period, says sex therapist Jacqueline Hellyer.
Young people, but particularly young men, need to be mindful of the impact of porn on their sex lives. Though porn is ubiquitous, it should be consumed in moderation, as porn creates unrealistic expectations about sex and sexual pleasure. “So many young people are psyching themselves out from having sex,” says Hellyer. “There’s a real performative approach to sex in porn, and there’s a real concern with how you look.
Women can subsume their identities as sexual beings in favour of their identity as mothers. For some women, the challenges of trying to conceive – having sex for procreation instead of pleasure – can place great strain on their sexual relationship., advises couples in their thirties to schedule regular erotic and romantic time. “People feel guilty doing it,” she tells me, “but the sexual connection will sustain the relationship during this time”.
Sexual relationships at this age require excellent communication, and, when there are physical challenges for either partner, a willingness to look beyond the narrow definition of penis-in-vagina sex. As Marcus reminds me, many older men and women go on to have active and fulfilling sex lives right into their seventies and eighties.Sex therapists agree that women and men of all ages need a more expansive view of sex and how to achieve sexual pleasure.
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